Dear Future Husband,
I know this is not what you were expecting when you read this. I was never the girl that dreamed about her wedding day from the moment she spotted a cute boy on the playground who gave her a flower. No, I was always more realistic than that, sometimes unfortunately, very pessimistic when it came to love and the whole notion that there is one man on the Earth that is my soulmate.
Some love songs still make me nauseous just listening to the words; especially a country song with a deep voice. Gross. One reason I'm this way is because any guy who found interest in me in high school/college/some days now, quickly lost interest once he found out how I made a choice to save myself for my wedding night. In high school, marrying someone isn't really at the top of guy's minds. Or mine either.
I was a 'good' girl. A goody two-shoes pretty much 24/7. I went to school, did all my homework/classwork, tried to be on honor roll every 9 weeks, and was even shocked when I was chosen as Homecoming Queen in 2004. I was in church every Sunday up until my junior year when I began to work more at our local pizza restaurant. I slowly began to serve more pizza and less time serving the Lord.
College was like high school in the fact that I wanted to succeed education wise. Scholarships were given and some semesters I was paid to go to school. I would cry and beat myself up over tests that I know I did not do well. When I attended the University Of Southern Mississippi, I was even harder on myself in class, and I did not focus on guys/dating. While at Southern Miss, I talked to one guy that attended Mississippi State and over that year and a half of talking, we finally dated. When I went to visit him and stay at his apartment, we quickly broke up after. Considering I didn't put out, my stay was pretty much boring, I'm sure.
Lately, I have been convicted of many things but one thing for certain is my attitude when it comes to relationships. I guess you could say I was bitter towards anyone who was in a lovey-dovey relationship. I guess it's because I never really felt like I was in love with any of my past boyfriends (which is not many by the way). None of the guys I dated seemed to really shower me with love either. I did not feel like girls do these days, where their boyfriends/husbands do the sweetest things for them. I did not experience any of that.
These past couple weeks since Easter, I realized I do know love. Jesus died on the cross for me. For ME. And you. Attending church these past 3 weeks is helping me get back to that place I was at before I began slinging pizza at 17. I am not going to be any help to my future husband if I don't realize where true love came from, down from Heaven years ago, to save me and show me the true meaning of unconditional love.
Now I know I do not know who I am typing this for, right now at this moment. But I want you to know, whoever you are, that I am praying for you. I am going to consistently remind myself to pray for you, future husband.
I pray right now that I will keep my sometimes cynical heart open for you. I pray that you will keep your heart protected by any female that comes into your life. I will probably never like those insinuating deep voice country songs, but I do know that one day I want to have those emotions for someone I'm keeping myself pure for.
I'm praying and patiently waiting.
Your Future Wife