I am not sure how long this post is going to be, but I will warn you: I have a lot on my heart/mind.
Okay, so I am actually writing this on Wednesday afternoon (April 24) in my cubicle.
It may be a week before this is posted, but I just wanted to write it from my perspective at this exact moment.
Spiritual Struggle, Sins and Satan
(say that 5 times fast, ha ha)
Last week, I began reading Part 1 of Nicole's blog posts that go into detail about John chapter 15.
In her post, she also adds in an author named MacArthur and his commentary. One line spoke to me in a really incredible way and it said: "The branches that do not bear fruit are those who profess to believe, but their lack of fruit indicates genuine salvation has never taken place and they have no life from the vine."
I immediately began to doubt my salvation and wondered if I really ever was saved.
I should go ahead and tell you my testimony so you're not completely lost in this entire post (no pun intended).
I remember the exact moment my heart felt like it was beating 'one hard time' out of my chest during revival at my church in the 7th grade. I made my way down the aisle and told the preacher I wanted to give my life to the Lord. I was taken to the back, counseled, everything was explained to me, right then I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. For three days, back at school, I felt such a peace over me. I remember it was for 3 straight days.
Then I didn't read my bible and try to gain a better understanding of the Word. I still went to church every time the doors were open, but it was because I grew up in church and I just knew that if it was Sunday or Wednesday night, I was at church. A year later, at the next revival, I felt led to re-commit my life (as an 8th grader) because I felt like I had not been the Christian I should have been. I remember my Sunday School teacher counseling me and said "now remember, you can't recommit your life every year Cassie." And that has always been in the back of my mind.
Now I did not know what to think earlier today so I immediately emailed Nicole and told her what I just wrote above and began just rambling on (sorry Nicole if it made no sense) and just wanted someone else to tell me that I wasn't crazy.
I emailed Shae who said the most powerful email I could have read today. There were a couple things that really spoke to me and I knew deep down that it was God telling me "Cassie, you are saved. You can't just lose your salvation."
Here are some excerpts from her email:
Do you believe Jesus Christ is the son of God who came to earth by virgin birth, lived a perfect life, was crucified innocently and rose from the dead? Romans 10:9 says "If you declare with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Salvation isn't something that can be taken away based on how "good" you do or how many times you fail. It is 100% free from Christ and as you see in Romans, all you have to do is accept Him to be saved.
Like you said, you've been out of church for a while. I don't know what your walk and faith looked like during that time, but regardless, you're back at it now. Satan hates that. He hates that you're seeking Christ. He hates that you're wanting to be fed, wanting to grow. Hates it. This is the time when he will, unfortunately, attack, like it seems as though he's doing right now. He will plant doubt, he will plant fear, he will plant temptation.
It is now that Jesus wants you to run to Him, get lost in Him and say "I can't do this alone" and just completely surrender. Rebuke Satan and beg Jesus to completely control your life.
After reading her email, I sat here in my cubicle and prayed.
Prayed to God and just retold him everything I felt.
That I believe HE was born from Virgin Mary, lived a perfect life, died a unthinkable death for me and then rose again. That I am a sinner and I have messed up plenty of times but want Him to be the center of my life and in my heart.
I also told the Devil to leave me alone.
I feel better now.
I know I'm secure in my salvation.
I will pray constantly for God to help me remember my salvation can't be taken away and I should not doubt it.
Doubt = Satan.
I am so so so so so thankful for these Godly women and this blogging community.
I don't know what's gonna happen next in my life,
but now I'm secure in where I'll be going after.
Please go visit these girls' blogs that are helping in me in my walk with the Lord: