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7.02.2013

Jellyfish stings and Diamond rings....part TWO.


Thanks for coming back to find out why I was crying, ha ha.

Wednesday night, my sister had to go all the way back home to attend one nursing school class.
My mom took her back - so that left me and my sister's boyfriend.

As I'm relaxing and watching NCIS, he comes downstairs with a big blue box.
Opens it and shows me her engagement ring.
I am shocked.
I had no idea anything like that was going to happen and he goes on to explain how he asked my dad for her hand over a month ago, mom knew, etc. 

I didn't feel bad that he hadn't involved me in the secret,
but I automatically felt something.
Something sad.
Sad for myself.
A pity party, if you must.

It hit me like crashing into a brick wall a couple hours later...
when it was time to go to bed.

I immediately opened my Bible, 
but that didn't stop Satan from just attacking me right and left.

Aww, poor Cassie.
Your baby sister is going to be married before you.
No guy likes you.
You are a loser.
You are never gonna be good enough for someone to marry.
You are gonna be alone.

It was really bad, y'all.

I could not have made it through without my friends,
and especially two of my blogger friends:
Shae and Nicole
___________________________________

The festivities went down Thursday night while my mom and I were at dinner.
I bought her them an engagement card and we made our way back to the condo.

I went upstairs to sign it and then met my sister in the hallway.
She showed me her beautiful ring and read the card.
We hugged and I slowly felt those feelings coming back from the night before.

I tried to stay downstairs and watch tv and be in the conversation with my mom and the newly engaged couple but I just couldn't.
As I got up to walk up the stairs, my mom said "are you okay?" and I said "yes" but I heard my voice crack.

All those emotions from the night before, that I thought was gone, had resurfaced.
I felt terrible, but only for myself. 

I sat out on my third floor balcony and just cried.
Read my Bible and cried.



My sister is one of my best friends and the way I reacted is such a bad memory.
For myself, for her and my mom.
I should have never acted that way and at the same time, I literally couldn't help it.
I don't know when my sister will read this blog post,
but when/if she does this is what I want to say.


Dear Sister,

I am so sorry for how I acted on Thursday, June 27, 2013.
Thursday you became a part of something bigger than I realized. You became a part of a story that is going to unfold into greatness, I just know it. 
  
I let my emotions get the best of me, as they usually do.
I ruined a special moment that should have been nothing but pure bliss.

I know you have already forgiven me and I promise to make it up to you.
I promise to be by your side.
By you as your MAID of honor.
By you as your sister who literally only wants to see you happy.

I may never find my Prince Charming, 
but I am happy for you and yours.

If I do cry on your wedding day,
I promise to only cry legit, HAPPY tears.

You will be a beautiful bride.

Sincerely,
Your sister forever


We knew way back when.
Not sure why I was shocked.



7 comments:

  1. Girl I SO feel for you!!! There was a time that my best friend had a boyfriend and I didn't and any time marriage was discussed I just kept thinking "oh my goodness she's going to be married before I am and she's 2 years younger than me!" she wasn't even close to being engaged and I was still upset about it! I can't imagine how I would have felt if she actually had been engaged. Your sister is lucky to have a big sister who doesn't just think it's her right to be bitchy and upset about it! So many people would think it was their right. Praying for you sweet one :) xo

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  2. Oh, Cassie. Bless your sweet heart. I have been there and gone through this more than once. It is such a hard place to be. I know that you love your sister and that you are happy for her, but it's hard to get past your own hurt and the doubt that creeps into your head. I just kept reminding myself that there is enough love for everyone--that one person finding it does not decrease my chance of finding it too--there is not a limit that's running out before I find mine. I am confident that there is someone out there for you. I know that waiting sucks and that those doubts are the absolute worst, but hang in there. One day you will look back at this blog and laugh at how silly it was to be worried about never finding someone. I know, though, it feels like you'll never get to that point. I'll be praying for you. (PS---tell your sister he ring is beautiful!)

    ~Tiffany

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  3. I am breaking while i read this! I am sure that your sister doesnt hold those feelings against you! It can be so hard to deal with, listen sister, I'm there! So ready to find him and yet everyone around has.

    God has a beautiful, beautiful plan!

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  4. I am a new follower of your blog and I love it :) I actually saw your fitness post on Bloom. As I read this, I just kept thinking "I have been there." I am married now and I know that telling you that probably doesn't help at first. But let me put it this way, I have been where you are and I was there for what felt like forever. It seemed like all of my friends were in great relationships and then engaged and getting married left and right. And there I was, just hanging out and not dating and no "prospects". Little did I know, even part of that time, I was friends with my future husband. I'm not saying evaluate any guy friends and start wondering whether or not they're your future husband haha That may not be the case for you. But I'm saying God is truly sovereign. I can't tell you how many times I had to re-learn to rest in Him and trust Him and ask for forgiveness for not trusting Him as I should. If it was once, it was a million times. And let me just tell you, He is all that held me together sometimes and brought me up out of Satan's lies and those deep feelings of discouragement. He is faithful. He knows your thoughts and desires exactly. He knows your heart because He created it. Continue to seek Him and rest in Him because I am here to tell you, His timing is truly perfect. I heard that so much through those years and even said it plenty of times, but now I can look back and really see how true it is. Even though I thought I was ready, there were so many things I learned, especially the year before my husband started dating and got married, that I needed to learn on my own and as a single woman. One thing was that I needed to learn and truly believe that God was enough, completely sufficient...that no man would ever complete me, no matter how wonderful he is. It's like I knew that but didn't truly believe it until I opened my heart to learning that and God worked deeply in me and spoke to me through prayer and His word. That is just one example. I'm not saying you are dealing with these exact things, but I do understand where you are and just wanted to encourage you. And you are beautiful. So when Satan tries to cause you to doubt the way God created you as a discouragement and tell you that's why you're not married, you just tell him to flee and stop feeding you lies. You are a creation of God and you are His daugher.

    I would love to talk to you more if you want, so feel free to visit my blog and find my email under contact me on my blogger profile if you want to :) I'm sure you have great friends to encourage you as well! Thank you for your honesty! There are so many that I know you have encouraged today with your post! Thank you for being real with your readers!

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  5. I found your blog through Bloom and I just want to say I'm loving your honest posts! It is so brave of you to admit you felt this way - just know that you're not the only girl that has gone through this and your raw honesty had inspired me today!
    Love, Shannon @ arrowstheblog.blogspot.com

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  6. Sweet Cassie, it takes a woman full of courage to write these posts and I am so glad you did. Judging by the above comments, you will receive genuine comments that are there to help you and guide you through a moment that was so difficult for you. i was one of the first of my friends to get engaged but I have many that are in the same boat as you - all i can say is God has a Plan for us all, and it all happens in His timing. Keep believing sweet girl, and enjoy in their joy x

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  7. Cassie I have been reading your blog for a while and just want to say that you are a strong, wonderful woman! Keep loving yourself and the Lord and everything will work out. I know that I am married, but please remember that everyone struggles, it might just be with different things. I have been reading the blog for a while now and I feel like you have been making such positive changes in your life! Also, don't feel embarrassed that you were emotional, it is ok to feel your feelings. I am sure your sister understands and won't hold it against you.
    -Sarah
    http://swannspace.tumblr.com/

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