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7.29.2014

Quality of Quantity

 
 
And I think this is the secret to successful friendships, at least for me- the idea of quality of quantity. Of course I mean this in the obvious sense- one great friend over five not-so-great ones- but even more so in time spent. Sure, I might only get to see a close friend once every six months, but when we do get to spend time together, that time is precious and wonderful and so full of US.
Less time, but BETTER time. - Author


Image: Google Friendships
 
 
Lately, my mind has been swarming with the ideas and/or feelings of friendships.  Growing up in elementary/middle school, I only had one friend.  Over the years, that 'one' person would change, but it was always one.  I was always spending all of my time with ONE person - and I didn't think anything was wrong with that.  It was just how I was.
 
Once college came around, things started changing.  Not only was I a new freshman in a city I didn't know with hundreds of new faces, but the one person I was attached to decided to be friends with someone else; hence, I got completely kicked out of the picture. 
 
I know that time in my life was a turning point for me.  I began to branch out - only a little bit at first - but I found friendships with more than one person.  Being on a dance team with 15+ girls helped.

Since graduating college and moving back home, my friendships have changed.  I now don't get to hang out with my close friends every day, go to football games and then lay around on Sundays watching tv, especially One Tree Hill marathons.

These days, I tend to spend at least 3-4 nights a week splitting my time up with friends. Two nights during the work week and then two nights away on the weekends, if I can.  I know that adds up to a lot of time away from home, but it's how I keep in contact with my friends.  I have never enjoyed talking on the phone so you will not find me catching up that way, unless a friend calls me. 

I would rather text or spend time with someone in person, I've always been that way.  I know quality time is more important now than ever when we can all get sucked into our smart phones.  I've made a clear effort to leave my phone out of dinner tables and/or coffee tables at my friends' houses. 




But recently, I have noticed that I am being super selfish when it comes to my friends.
Notice those last two words: my friends.

I don't want my friends to be friends with each other if they aren't already that. 

I have a feeling this is going to come out wrong, but I want my friends to stay in certain 'categories'.  I know I am being super selfish for even feeling this way.  Who am I to tell people who to be friends with? That's just ridiculous. 

I have no monopoly on friendships and shouldn't place people into certain groups...and then think that those groups can't co-mingle.  This is something that God is currently showing me that I need to work on.  I know that it is a personal insecurity stemming up from years ago back in my college days.  Sometimes you don't even realize how much the past changes you. 
Does that even make sense?



Do you have this issue or am I just being a friendship brat?
Probably just the second one, but I would love some advice.
If you don't want to write it below, send me an email at cassandralynn23@gmail.com.
 
 

2 comments:

  1. I wouldn't call it being a friendship brat because you've gotten burned, left out and etc from prior experiences. So you want to keep the friends you have and not be left out. Which I totally understand I've been there, as of right now I have 4 best friends, 3 of which are from childhood and the 4th is a friend for about 4 years.
    I don't trust "new" people that my friends hang out with, especially when they think they know that friend better than me and it seems to become a competition. I'm not in a friendship for competition, I know what kind of friend I've been and that's fine.
    With new friends, it's hard for me to trust people in general, like you I've been burned many times and I don't just trust people. I've changed some, my fiancé has a very LARGE group of friends, and with that comes girls, and I've learned that most of them are nice, and the ones that aren't I don't give my time of day to.

    My only advice, is to maybe see if they can co-mingle, slowly. My 3 childhood friends know each other, but they don't co mingle because of schedules.

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  2. Honestly I've never felt like friends shouldn't mingle but I have known a lot of people who do feel that way so you are not being weird or abnormal at all.

    I think that comes from a place in the past where if they meet they might like each other more and then you feel left out - which honestly if they do then your friendship really wasn't that solid to begin with if they drop you all together. I think it's a good test in all honesty. Life is to short to be friends with someone who you think my ditch you one day ya know. Try to focus on not worrying/thinking about that. Introduce everyone if it happens naturally -I mean you invite all these people to your birthday right? If something start organically from there let it be. That shouldn't ever change your relationship with that person and if it does - it wasn't a true relationship to begin with. Just my thoughts on this - and take it from someone who tried to get her best friends to like each other for years and then they did and built a relationship on hating me -- haha I just have to laugh at that because you can see through the fakeness and pettyness of it all. Very sad and I am very grateful I don't have immature people like that in my life anymore. As you grow up - you just get stronger and start demanding what you want from relationships. That's a GOOD thing in my a opinion.

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